I think I've spent most of my life trying to fit in. I was that girl in sixth grade pretending that my off-brand tennis-shoes from Meijer were "European running shoes" (In my defense, it did say this on the box...) because I didn't want to admit that I just simply didn't have anything that was Adidas. I spent years wishing I could change my hair, change my body type, change my personality so I could be cool. I never quite figured out how to do that.
How terrible would it be if we were all the same?
I was born with hair that would turn curly when I was 12, no matter how many hours I spent with the iron (yes, an actual iron) trying to make it straight.
I was born creative. (Translation: weird)
I was born DIFFERENT. Just like you were.
All the coolest girls were freaks. I mean-Cinderella? She was a dork who read books in the soot by the fireplace. Snow White? 7 really short guy friends, and none of them were interested. Ariel wished and dreamed about getting out of the ocean.
And in the real world, the people who make a difference are the people who ARE different.
I'm not saying you need to change the world, I'm just saying...
What makes us different makes us special. And what makes us special makes us strong.
Now watch this video. Funny song, with a good point.
Lots has been going on in our world since the last time I updated the blog. So...if you don't follow me on facebook, hold on, because you're about to be updated FAST.
Christopher got a job! Yay! We moved to Louisville at the end of January. Our new ward has LOTS of young couples, and lots of babies. It's pretty much awesome. We moved into a condo that is 5 minutes away from Chris's work, so he can even come home for lunch. I'm so thankful for that time with my husband in the middle of the day!
On February 19, we found out--we're having another baby! Exciting? Of course! Terrifying? Most definitely! This brings me to what I've been thinking a lot about lately.
Motherhood.
Being a mom is hard. It's hard physically, it's hard emotionally, and it's hard intellectually. I haven't been a mom all that long, but the reality of motherhood hit before they even put my sweet baby James in my arms. As James was being born, he breathed in some fluid, and had to be tended to right away. They quickly snipped the cord and carried him away. I hadn't seen his face yet. As the moments passed, I began to be more and more aware that something wasn't right. The crying baby was supposed to be in MY arms, and I was supposed to be the one making everything all better.
I was scared, I was confused, and I couldn't do anything to fix it. The hustle and bustle of the delivery room clouded over, and I was left mostly alone to panic for a moment. Then they put him in my arms. The beautiful squidgy baby who was all mine.
The months that followed are mostly a blur-
colic.
reflux.
formula.
new formula.
new formula again.
growth spurts.
smiling.
rolling.
yelling.
And here we are today. James has forgotten how to sleep, and is begging his parents to forget right along with him. I put him down in his crib, and he yells at me for a while before he finally conks out. When I say "yells," I mean it. He's not crying, he's yelling at me.
And we're going to have another one. And I'm terrified.
Sometimes it's difficult when the thing you've wanted your whole life, the thing your whole being has yearned for turns out to be the most challenging thing you could ever do. All I ever wanted was to be a wife and a mother.
But I guess it's okay that sometimes now all I ever want is a long nap in a hotel room somewhere on the other side of the world, right?
Anyway--here's the video that helps me get through the hardest times.
Day 03 - A picture of the cast from your favorite show.
I had a hard time deciding whether this meant the cast of my favorite show I've been in, or favorite show on TV. So, to spare you a story about Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat 2004, I chose the cast of my favorite TV show.
If you don't know what show this is by now, you have two choices. Watch it when it comes back on later this month, or click that little 'x' in the upper corner of your browser window. ...wait! Just kidding! Don't go!
My husband will tell you I love this show because I have a love affair with David Boreanaz. Don't believe him! It's actually because I LOVE crime dramas. This one has a special place in my heart because it helped me through the end of my pregnancy. You see, I used to enjoy watching Law and Order: SVU. That was good and great until those hormones kicked up and I started having nightmares. The bonus with Bones is that it's not nearly as gory and violent as the others. (SVU, CSI, etc.) Here's why.
Dr. Temperance Brennan is a forensic Anthropologist, and Special Agent Seely Booth (an FBI agent) team up to identify victims based on remains that have (typically) no flesh. Dr. Brennan has a team of what Booth calls Squints (People who squint when they look at things. Geniuses.) who have their own specialties. Reconstructing facial structures, identifying fibers and sediments, plant particles, etc.
It also has one of those awesome love stories running through it...kind of. It reminds me of Ross and Rachel in Friends. It's kind of that good. Booth and Brennan are totally meant to be together, but halfway through season 6, it's still not happening. The anticipation is making me crazy, but I guarantee it'll keep me coming back for more!
(And seasons 1-5 are available on Netflix should you want to catch up.)
Day 02 - A picture of you and the person you have been close with for awhile.
This picture was taken December 31, 2007 when I came home for 2 short weeks to visit my family for the holidays and to see if things were going to work out with this guy. They did. That was the last day of the last year when I didn't talk to him every day.
I thought I'd get back into blogging with this little jump-start. I'd love to see yours too!
Day 01 - A picture of yourself with fifteen facts. Day 02 - A picture of you and the person you have been close with for awhile. Day 03 - A picture of the cast from your favorite show. Day 04 - A picture of your night. Day 05 - A picture of your favorite memory. Day 06 - A picture of a person you'd love to trade places with for a day. Day 07 - A picture of your most treasured item. Day 08 - A picture that makes you laugh. Day 09 - A picture of the person who has gotten you through the most. Day 10 - A picture of the person you do the most ridiculous things with. Day 11 - A picture of something you hate. Day 12 - A picture of something you love. Day 13 - A picture of your favorite band or artist. Day 14 - A picture of someone you could never imagine your life without. Day 15 - A picture of something you want to do before you die. Day 16 - A picture of someone who inspires you. Day 17 - A picture of something that has made a huge impact on your life recently. Day 18 - A picture of your biggest insecurity. Day 19 - A picture of you when you were little. Day 20 - A picture of somewhere you'd love to travel. Day 21 - A picture of something you wish you could forget. Day 22 - A picture of something you wish you were better at. Day 23 - A picture of your favorite book. Day 24 - A picture of something you wish you could change. Day 25 - A picture of your day. Day 26 - A picture of something that means a lot to you. Day 27 - A picture of yourself and a family member. Day 28 - A picture of something you're afraid of. Day 29 - A picture that can always make you smile. Day 30 - A picture of someone you miss.
I love snow. Several years ago I came to the conclusion that snow was God's way of showing me that he loved me. Like His personal gift to me.
You see, in the winter, the world gets so ugly...the leaves all fall off the trees, the grass dies, everything turns brown, and the landscape looks completely barren. Then, to make matters worse, the sky darkens, and you just know that it's going to be gloomy all day long. Then something miraculous happens: the heavens open, and beautiful crystalline flakes begin to drift down from the sky and cover everything in a sparkling blanket of white. Everything that was so terrible to look at suddenly becomes the most beautiful scene anyone has ever beheld. It didn't have to be that way. All the precipitation could come when it's warm enough to be rain, but that's not the case. God loves me so much that He lets it snow.
A couple of weeks ago, I had a particularly difficult day. Christopher finally convinced me to get out of the house for a little bit. We walked out the door to head towards the grocery store and discovered the most incredible sight. The parking lot was full of cars, every spot full, and even though there had been a light dusting of snow, none of them had snow on them except mine. Tears sprang to my eyes as I pointed out to Christopher that I knew everything would be okay because I was loved.
When I was a little girl, my mom died. I don't have very many pictures of myself with her, and on top of all that, there aren't any pictures that have any particularly special meaning. Because of that, I asked Chris to take some pictures of me with James the first real snow we had. It's important to me that my beautiful little boy knows that I wanted to share something that's special to me with him. That way, someday, when I can't be there to show him what he means to me, he'll have at least a little something to remind him.
