Let Your Freak Flag Fly.

I think I've spent most of my life trying to fit in. I was that girl in sixth grade pretending that my off-brand tennis-shoes from Meijer were "European running shoes" (In my defense, it did say this on the box...) because I didn't want to admit that I just simply didn't have anything that was Adidas. I spent years wishing I could change my hair, change my body type, change my personality so I could be cool. I never quite figured out how to do that.

How terrible would it be if we were all the same?

I was born with hair that would turn curly when I was 12, no matter how many hours I spent with the iron (yes, an actual iron) trying to make it straight.

I was born creative. (Translation: weird)

I was born DIFFERENT. Just like you were.

All the coolest girls were freaks. I mean-Cinderella? She was a dork who read books in the soot by the fireplace. Snow White? 7 really short guy friends, and none of them were interested. Ariel wished and dreamed about getting out of the ocean.

And in the real world, the people who make a difference are the people who ARE different.

I'm not saying you need to change the world, I'm just saying...

What makes us different makes us special. And what makes us special makes us strong.

Now watch this video. Funny song, with a good point.

Motherhood

Lots has been going on in our world since the last time I updated the blog. So...if you don't follow me on facebook, hold on, because you're about to be updated FAST.

Christopher got a job! Yay! We moved to Louisville at the end of January. Our new ward has LOTS of young couples, and lots of babies. It's pretty much awesome. We moved into a condo that is 5 minutes away from Chris's work, so he can even come home for lunch. I'm so thankful for that time with my husband in the middle of the day!

On February 19, we found out--we're having another baby! Exciting? Of course! Terrifying? Most definitely! This brings me to what I've been thinking a lot about lately.

Motherhood.

Being a mom is hard. It's hard physically, it's hard emotionally, and it's hard intellectually. I haven't been a mom all that long, but the reality of motherhood hit before they even put my sweet baby James in my arms. As James was being born, he breathed in some fluid, and had to be tended to right away. They quickly snipped the cord and carried him away. I hadn't seen his face yet. As the moments passed, I began to be more and more aware that something wasn't right. The crying baby was supposed to be in MY arms, and I was supposed to be the one making everything all better.

I was scared, I was confused, and I couldn't do anything to fix it. The hustle and bustle of the delivery room clouded over, and I was left mostly alone to panic for a moment. Then they put him in my arms. The beautiful squidgy baby who was all mine.

The months that followed are mostly a blur-

colic.

reflux.

formula.

new formula.

new formula again.

growth spurts.

smiling.

rolling.

yelling.

And here we are today. James has forgotten how to sleep, and is begging his parents to forget right along with him. I put him down in his crib, and he yells at me for a while before he finally conks out. When I say "yells," I mean it. He's not crying, he's yelling at me.

And we're going to have another one. And I'm terrified.

Sometimes it's difficult when the thing you've wanted your whole life, the thing your whole being has yearned for turns out to be the most challenging thing you could ever do. All I ever wanted was to be a wife and a mother.

But I guess it's okay that sometimes now all I ever want is a long nap in a hotel room somewhere on the other side of the world, right?

Anyway--here's the video that helps me get through the hardest times.