Day 3.

Day 03 - A picture of the cast from your favorite show.

I had a hard time deciding whether this meant the cast of my favorite show I've been in, or favorite show on TV. So, to spare you a story about Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat 2004, I chose the cast of my favorite TV show.

If you don't know what show this is by now, you have two choices. Watch it when it comes back on later this month, or click that little 'x' in the upper corner of your browser window. ...wait! Just kidding! Don't go!

My husband will tell you I love this show because I have a love affair with David Boreanaz. Don't believe him! It's actually because I LOVE crime dramas. This one has a special place in my heart because it helped me through the end of my pregnancy. You see, I used to enjoy watching Law and Order: SVU. That was good and great until those hormones kicked up and I started having nightmares. The bonus with Bones is that it's not nearly as gory and violent as the others. (SVU, CSI, etc.) Here's why.

Dr. Temperance Brennan is a forensic Anthropologist, and Special Agent Seely Booth (an FBI agent) team up to identify victims based on remains that have (typically) no flesh. Dr. Brennan has a team of what Booth calls Squints (People who squint when they look at things. Geniuses.) who have their own specialties. Reconstructing facial structures, identifying fibers and sediments, plant particles, etc.

It also has one of those awesome love stories running through it...kind of. It reminds me of Ross and Rachel in Friends. It's kind of that good. Booth and Brennan are totally meant to be together, but halfway through season 6, it's still not happening. The anticipation is making me crazy, but I guarantee it'll keep me coming back for more!

(And seasons 1-5 are available on Netflix should you want to catch up.)

Day 2.

Day 02 - A picture of you and the person you have been close with for awhile.

This picture was taken December 31, 2007 when I came home for 2 short weeks to visit my family for the holidays and to see if things were going to work out with this guy. They did. That was the last day of the last year when I didn't talk to him every day.

Day 1

Day 01 - A picture of yourself with fifteen facts

(This never-before-seen photo was the last belly picture taken in my pregnancy, 2 weeks and 2 days before our James was born.)

1. I love peeps. Marshmallow peeps. Stale.

2. I've been interested in my husband for more than 10 years.

3. I'm a photographer.

4. Our baby's name was chosen 3 years ago.

5. I read EVERYTHING. Cereal box, shampoo bottle, everything.

6. I really enjoy painting my toenails.

7. I have new hobbies like every 15 minutes.

8. Likewise, I have new career goals every 20 minutes.

9. I have expensive taste.

10. I'm seriously unorganized.

11. I miss working with the young women.

12. And the sunbeams.

13. I usually feel inadequate.

14. I miss Provo.

15. I love my husband and baby more than I ever thought possible.

30 days.

I thought I'd get back into blogging with this little jump-start. I'd love to see yours too!

Day 01 - A picture of yourself with fifteen facts.
Day 02 - A picture of you and the person you have been close with for awhile.
Day 03 - A picture of the cast from your favorite show.
Day 04 - A picture of your night.
Day 05 - A picture of your favorite memory.
Day 06 - A picture of a person you'd love to trade places with for a day.
Day 07 - A picture of your most treasured item.
Day 08 - A picture that makes you laugh.
Day 09 - A picture of the person who has gotten you through the most.
Day 10 - A picture of the person you do the most ridiculous things with.
Day 11 - A picture of something you hate.
Day 12 - A picture of something you love.
Day 13 - A picture of your favorite band or artist.
Day 14 - A picture of someone you could never imagine your life without.
Day 15 - A picture of something you want to do before you die.
Day 16 - A picture of someone who inspires you.
Day 17 - A picture of something that has made a huge impact on your life recently.
Day 18 - A picture of your biggest insecurity.
Day 19 - A picture of you when you were little.
Day 20 - A picture of somewhere you'd love to travel.
Day 21 - A picture of something you wish you could forget.
Day 22 - A picture of something you wish you were better at.
Day 23 - A picture of your favorite book.
Day 24 - A picture of something you wish you could change.
Day 25 - A picture of your day.
Day 26 - A picture of something that means a lot to you.
Day 27 - A picture of yourself and a family member.
Day 28 - A picture of something you're afraid of.
Day 29 - A picture that can always make you smile.
Day 30 - A picture of someone you miss.

Snow.

I love snow. Several years ago I came to the conclusion that snow was God's way of showing me that he loved me. Like His personal gift to me.

You see, in the winter, the world gets so ugly...the leaves all fall off the trees, the grass dies, everything turns brown, and the landscape looks completely barren. Then, to make matters worse, the sky darkens, and you just know that it's going to be gloomy all day long. Then something miraculous happens: the heavens open, and beautiful crystalline flakes begin to drift down from the sky and cover everything in a sparkling blanket of white. Everything that was so terrible to look at suddenly becomes the most beautiful scene anyone has ever beheld. It didn't have to be that way. All the precipitation could come when it's warm enough to be rain, but that's not the case. God loves me so much that He lets it snow.

A couple of weeks ago, I had a particularly difficult day. Christopher finally convinced me to get out of the house for a little bit. We walked out the door to head towards the grocery store and discovered the most incredible sight. The parking lot was full of cars, every spot full, and even though there had been a light dusting of snow, none of them had snow on them except mine. Tears sprang to my eyes as I pointed out to Christopher that I knew everything would be okay because I was loved.

When I was a little girl, my mom died. I don't have very many pictures of myself with her, and on top of all that, there aren't any pictures that have any particularly special meaning. Because of that, I asked Chris to take some pictures of me with James the first real snow we had. It's important to me that my beautiful little boy knows that I wanted to share something that's special to me with him. That way, someday, when I can't be there to show him what he means to me, he'll have at least a little something to remind him.

I love my little James.

And my incredible husband.

And I love snow.

Welcome to the world, baby James!

October 18, 2010

I woke up at 7:30 AM to a contraction, but convinced myself that it was just a dream, and that my body was just waking me up because it felt like it. I laid in bed resting for most of the morning, and noticed before long that my contractions were regular. Exactly 30 minutes apart. I figured it was early labor, but that it would go on all day long.

At 11:30, I decided to take a nap. I woke up to contractions 4 times, and when I finally got up and looked at the clock it was 12:30. My contractions that had been 30 minutes apart were now 15 minutes apart. I didn't have any other sign that things were progressing, except that everything HURT, and BAD.

I called Christopher and told him I needed him to come home around 1:15. He didn't realize how serious I was! Meanwhile, I called the hospital told them I couldn't quite tell how far apart my contractions were. I was having CONSTANT pelvic pain, and was positive something was wrong. I wasn't feeling anything let up between contractions, and eventually couldn't tell I was having contractions at all. It just hurt ALL THE TIME. While I was waiting, I attempted to get myself all ready. I took a shower, and then never even got the chance to brush my hair.

We left for the hospital at 2:20, and when we got there around 2:40, I couldn't walk. They brought me a wheelchair, took me straight to triage, and checked me in while they were doing all my other checks. Usually they check you in before they put you in a room, but the guy at the desk seemed alarmed when we got there. Apparently I was already 5 cm and 90% effaced by the time they checked me the first time, and my contractions (according to the monitor) were 1.5-2 minutes apart. From 12:30 to 2:45, I NEVER had regular contractions, they just kept getting closer and closer and closer together. I think I skipped over the "5 minutes apart for 2 hours before you go to the hospital" phase all together. Thank goodness I trusted my instincts and left for the hospital anyway!

I was basically screaming for an epidural from the second I got in the door, and I think they finally put it in around 3:30 pm. While they were doing the epidural, I my water broke. At that point, I realized we were about to have a baby.

After the epidural, I felt great. I wanted to chat and hang out and have a great time, but in reality, wish I'd taken a nap.

My epidural wore off, and the head anesthesiologist had to come give me some more. I think the guy who gave me the first one was in trouble! (His supervisor came and did the second one, and really really wanted the name of the first doctor.) Anyway, they got that going way before I had to push, so I was okay, but it was definitely not comfortable.

I sent Christopher to get the nurse around 8:00pm and to tell her that I couldn't not push. I think it was against the doctor's wishes, but she said we could go ahead and get started. Apparently I pushed like a champ, and my [big] little guy was out in 45 minutes! It didn't really hurt all that much with the epidural , just a lot of pressure. It was DEFINITELY hard work. Christopher was right there by my side the whole time. He held my hand, coached me through the pushing, and kept reminding me that I was doing a good job.

Right as he was born, they cut the cord REALLY quick, didn't give Christopher a chance to do it. Put him up on my belly, but only for a second. I could tell something was wrong. Apparently he breathed in some fluid as he was coming out, so they had to make sure he was okay. I was really upset because I hadn't seen my little guy's face, but I was glad they were taking such good care of him. It only took a little while, and they brought him to me so I could hold him for the first time, but it definitely was a while before they let anyone else hold him. When the family first came in to see, he had to stay laying on his belly under the heat lamp. Eventually he got all the fluid out on his own. What a great little guy!

Our first few days at the hospital were nice. We had lots of visitors, and got to introduce James to so many of his family members!

We've been home now for almost 6 weeks. It's a much bigger adjustment than we ever imagined! We're all getting used to our roles in our new little family, and sometimes it's very difficult. We've learned a lot about communication and patience, but there will be much more about that later. This is just the birth story that I wrote down the night he was born, and I wanted to post it while I had a chance. (James is sleeping hands-free, and that almost never happens. In fact, now he's waking up.)

The Greater Your Capacity to Create.

In August, 2009, I asked a doctor what I needed to do to get my body ready to have children. Not because we planned on having a baby right away, but because I wanted to be prepared when we decided the time was right. Given my medical history and the medical conditions I had, she said two words that I feared would haunt me forever:

"Fertility Specialist."

I was 22. I hadn't been married for a year yet. How could someone say those words to me? I cried. For days. I felt like a failure as a woman, I felt like my life had ended, and like there was no reason to get out of bed in the morning. So I chose the easiest path for me, and I ignored it. I pretended it wasn't happening. I decided to not make any appointments with a fertility specialist, because I wasn't ready to admit that I might need help.

Months went by.

Then in January, I watched this video:

"You might say, 'I am not the creative type,' if that is how you feel, think again, and remember that you are spirit daughters of the most creative being in the universe. Isn't it remarkable to think that your very spirits are fashioned by an endlessly creative and compassionate God?"

The day I saw that video, I decided it was time to call the specialist. Not because I was ready to have the baby that minute, but because I knew that there was hope. Even if I couldn't do it naturally or traditionally, I could create a family. I could be a mother.

I scheduled the appointment.

And 5 days before my scheduled appointment, I got this:

A surprise, absolutely. A wonderful, beautiful, remarkable surprise. A blessing. But this is what has stuck with me the most:

"The more you trust and rely upon the spirit, the greater your capacity to create."