It's a boy! And other news.

The results are in! Baby number two is a boy! We're so excited. It took three ultrasounds to get an actual 100% "It's a boy," but now we know! I know the picture is small, but if you can't tell, it's a 3/4 type shot with his hand on his face, kind of like a "facepalm."

As a family, we've made the decision to eat more healthily. We started by switching out a few simple things that we eat a lot of. Peanut butter, bread, etc. We made an effort to add some more fruits and vegetables each day, and we also made an effort to drink more water. That was working great, and actually made a big difference in the way we were feeling.

Then Christopher shared some things that he learned while watching Jamie Oliver. Together we decided to take more control over our diets and the foods that go into our bodies. We started reading the labels on every food we buy and we're not buying anything that has ingredients that we don't recognize. (We use google sometimes, because there are lots of food terms we don't know yet.) We've learned so far that there are unnecessary additives and preservatives in everything that we've been eating. The food makeover may take a little while, but we're already feeling better. I've started to notice fruits and honey tasting sweeter, and I don't need to add sugar to things I eat anymore. This morning I had oatmeal with strawberries, and a little bit of honey. It was delicious!

James is growing so fast! He crawls everywhere just as fast as he possibly can, and this week has started following me out of rooms, and returning to things I've pulled him out of. I've barricaded the vertical blinds on the doors in the living room, the guitar, and the ps3, and he's still finding plenty to get into! He likes to pull himself up on things, and because of that, I'm greeted by this adorable sight after naps, and often in the morning.

He loves all kinds of foods, and prefers the food on my plate to the puréed baby food. (Yet another great reason to not be eating unnatural foods! But it's hard when I can't give him things I put honey in.) This morning I fed him slices of avocado, which he really enjoyed eating, but the most fun part was finger painting all over his tray in bright green! When I took off his bib, it was obvious where it had been; his clothes were green too.

Over the weekend, we had the chance to visit home. We stayed for a few days with Chris's dad and his wife, and had a really good time. We took a few minutes to stop by Greenwood so James could see where his Grandma Melinda is buried. Maybe it's a little morbid, but we took pictures because she's an important part of our family. It's kind of like a three-generation shot.

On Saturday, GG and Papa had a big party at their house to celebrate both of them turning 75 this year, as well as their house turning 150. It was a wonderful time, and James was the star of the show! All of that entertaining wore him out, and he snuggled in next to Dad on the swing and slept for a half-hour or so. I can't wait to get this picture framed on my nightstand. There's nothing more special to me than to see my boys together, and James is DEFINITELY a Daddy's Boy. Christopher is the best dad in the world.

We celebrated Father's day with Chris's dad, and it was great! I sure do love my little family, and can't wait until we're a family of 4-even though I'm going to be seriously outnumbered! Quick, someone go buy me something pink so I don't forget I'm a girl!

Wonder and Awe

I don't know if I'll ever tire of watching my sweet baby boy explore the world. He finds the most unusual things fascinating, the threads on the inside of a sock, the corner of a pillow, the underside of his swing, and the laces on Dad's shoes, just to name a few.

I'm sure it would be seriously boring, not to mention inconvenient, to have all the memories of my early life in my head along with everything else I'm supposed to be remembering, (not that I'm doing a very good job of that these days!) but sometimes I wonder what it would be like to remember witnessing the world for the first time, every new object filling me with wonder and awe. What's so special about the back of a toy when all the buttons are on the front? What makes the tag on a stuffed animal more fun to play with than the rest of the toy? Why are socks so much fun to chew on? What IS it about people's shoes?

Happy Mother's Day!

I shared my thoughts on motherhood recently, they can be found here. So today, I'd like to share some of my favorite moments in the last year of being a mother.

-Feeling James kick and squirm all hours of the night.

-Giving birth.

-Holding James for the first time.

-Watching Chris with James for the first time.

-Celebrating James's firsts: Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years, and Easter.

-Seeing James's first smile.

-Hearing his first laugh.

-Holding him all night long to help him sleep.

-Watching James learn to be mobile-squirming, rolling, scooting, and rocking.

-Listening to his first "Words" - Dada, Nana, Baba, Gaga, Mama

-Helping him feel better when he's sick.

-The way he grins at me when I go into his room in his morning.

-Listening to him talk when he wakes up.

-Watching the faces that he makes as he tries new foods.

And so many more things! Being a mother is such a wonderful blessing in my life. Sometimes I still can't believe that this adorable boy came from heaven to be with our family, and I'm so blessed to be his mom.

Happy Half-Birthday Baby James!

Dear James,

Wow! I can't believe six months have passed since you made your wonderful debut into our family! These last six months have been the most incredible months of our lives. We are so blessed to have you in our family. You make us smile and laugh, cry and pray. Because of you, we work harder, think more, and are happier than ever.

In the last months, you have grown so much, and learned more than we could ever imagine.

When you were born, we knew right away that you looked just like Daddy. You were 9 lbs, 7 oz, and 20 inches long.

At one month old, you were as cute as can be. Everyone loved you, and wanted to hold you all the time. We discovered that you didn't really like sleeping, and you were very unhappy until we switched you to formula. After the switch, you were so much happier! We were glad to finally have found something that would work for your little tummy. You didn't like sleeping by yourself, so you spent every night in Mom's arms. We all started getting a lot more sleep!

We decided it was time for you to learn how to play the trumpet. Aunt Lydia didn't mind letting you borrow her very cool compact one.

At 2 months, your family was very very busy. We spent Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Years with family. It was really a lot of fun! You got to see snow for the first time; your mom really loves snow. Also just before your 2 month birthday, you showed your very first great big smile! Luckily Mom had the camera close by!

At 3 months old, you started showing us your very very adorable personality and discovered your feet. Very close to your 3 month birthday, you learned to roll over from your belly to your back, and also how to grab and play with a rattle. The elephant rattle in this picture is still one of your favorite toys.

On the day you turned 4 months old, we moved from our home in Fairfield to Louisville because Daddy got a new job. You sure love your dad a lot, and your favorite thing in the whole wide world is to play with him. He always makes you laugh! You also learned how to roll over from your back to your belly, and mom was so excited!

When you turned 5 months old, you started talking a little more. On your 5 month birthday, you started saying "Da! Da!" I don't think you know it means Daddy yet, but it still makes us really happy!

Last night, the night before your 6 month birthday, we gave you your very first vegetables. At first you were happy, but you didn't really like the taste of the peas. You love to sit in your high chair, you LOVE to eat your cereal, (rice and oatmeal) and you're trying very hard to learn how to crawl. Sometimes you pull your knees up underneath yourself, and you even got up on your hands and knees once yesterday. You're teething, and we're pretty sure we're going to see some adorable little teeth in your mouth very soon! You started saying other fun words, like "Na" and "Ma," but you still say "Dada" when you're the happiest. Mom thinks it's because you love your dad so much!

We're so proud of you, little James! It's so much fun watching you learn and grow, and even better knowing that we get to keep you forever. We love you more and more every day, and are having so much fun watching you grow. Thank you for making us the happiest parents in the world. We're so thankful that Heavenly Father let you come be a part of our family, and can't imagine our lives without you in it.

We love you!

Mom and Dad

Where Can I Turn For Peace?

During pregnancy and after the birth of a child, a woman's body goes through lots of changes. We all know that, yet somehow, we find a way to work through the challenges. Mentally, we prepare ourselves for those physical challenges, but what I never realized was that the toll on my mind could (and likely would) be much more devastating than the toll on my body.

After James was born, I had a pretty tough time. Emotionally, I fell apart. The combination of adjusting hormone levels, lack of sleep, and some of what I felt were my own personal failures left me feeling oftentimes empty and alone. As things in our lives began to improve, I started to feel better. James started sleeping more, I started getting more and more productive, Chris got a job, we moved to Louisville, things were really looking up. Then I got pregnant again.

The first time I was pregnant, my mood was great most of the time, especially at the beginning. It was hard on me physically, but I was so thrilled to be pregnant after being told that it would be hard to do that the sickness was just a part of the blessing and nothing more. This time, things haven't been so simple. I can't sleep through the sickness. My hormones hadn't finished adjusting before they took off again. In short, I have been a wreck.

A couple of nights ago, I was feeding James in his darkened bedroom and thinking about my emotional state. No matter how I wracked my brain, I couldn't figure out why nothing was working. No sleep recharged me. No time watching TV or reading a book let me disconnect. Nothing was helping. Why wasn't anything working? Why was I falling apart? Why couldn't I find any answers? Then, without any prompting or warning, a song came to my mind:

1. Where can I turn for peace?
Where is my solace
When other sources cease to make me whole?
When with a wounded heart, anger, or malice,
I draw myself apart,
Searching my soul?

2. Where, when my aching grows,
Where, when I languish,
Where, in my need to know, where can I run?
Where is the quiet hand to calm my anguish?
Who, who can understand?
He, only One.

3. He answers privately,
Reaches my reaching
In my Gethsemane, Savior and Friend.
Gentle the peace he finds for my beseeching.
Constant he is and kind,
Love without end.

I mulled over these lyrics for a day or so, and realized that I hadn't given any thought to my spiritual well-being in quite some time. I made a decision that I was going to make an effort to take the Savior up on His promise, "Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest." I mean honestly, who needs rest more than I do? (Probably most of you, actually.) From this point, I was unsure where I was going to go, so I made the decision to spend at least 10 quiet (alone) minutes reading or listening to scripture or the words of the apostles and prophets each day. Last night, I watched a video of Jeffrey R. Holland's talk from April 2009 called "None Were With Him."

The whole talk is really too incredible to pick and choose which parts to share, but here's one of (many of) my favorite parts.

(The whole talk can be found here.)

"Brothers and sisters, one of the great consolations of this Easter season is that because Jesus walked such a long, lonely path utterly alone, we do not have to do so. His solitary journey brought great company for our little version of that path—the merciful care of our Father in Heaven, the unfailing companionship of this Beloved Son, the consummate gift of the Holy Ghost, angels in heaven, family members on both sides of the veil, prophets and apostles, teachers, leaders, friends. All of these and more have been given as companions for our mortal journey because of the Atonement of Jesus Christ and the Restoration of His gospel. Trumpeted from the summit of Calvary is the truth that we will never be left alone nor unaided, even if sometimes we may feel that we are. Truly the Redeemer of us all said: 'I will not leave you comfortless: [My Father and] I will come to you [and abide with you].'"

Through all of my reading and prayer in the last few days, I've come to the conclusion (clearly with a great deal of help from Heaven) that the answer to my woes is to come unto Christ, and the way to do so is by learning of Him. By recognizing the remarkable power of His Atonement, by reading about who He is and the life He lived. By trying each day to be just a little bit more like Him.

If you've made it this far and haven't already read the talk, (and maybe even if you have) take a few moments to watch this video. It shares excerpts from what Elder Holland said interwoven with depictions of Christ's atonement and crucifixion. I promise it's worth it.

Let Your Freak Flag Fly.

I think I've spent most of my life trying to fit in. I was that girl in sixth grade pretending that my off-brand tennis-shoes from Meijer were "European running shoes" (In my defense, it did say this on the box...) because I didn't want to admit that I just simply didn't have anything that was Adidas. I spent years wishing I could change my hair, change my body type, change my personality so I could be cool. I never quite figured out how to do that.

How terrible would it be if we were all the same?

I was born with hair that would turn curly when I was 12, no matter how many hours I spent with the iron (yes, an actual iron) trying to make it straight.

I was born creative. (Translation: weird)

I was born DIFFERENT. Just like you were.

All the coolest girls were freaks. I mean-Cinderella? She was a dork who read books in the soot by the fireplace. Snow White? 7 really short guy friends, and none of them were interested. Ariel wished and dreamed about getting out of the ocean.

And in the real world, the people who make a difference are the people who ARE different.

I'm not saying you need to change the world, I'm just saying...

What makes us different makes us special. And what makes us special makes us strong.

Now watch this video. Funny song, with a good point.

Motherhood

Lots has been going on in our world since the last time I updated the blog. So...if you don't follow me on facebook, hold on, because you're about to be updated FAST.

Christopher got a job! Yay! We moved to Louisville at the end of January. Our new ward has LOTS of young couples, and lots of babies. It's pretty much awesome. We moved into a condo that is 5 minutes away from Chris's work, so he can even come home for lunch. I'm so thankful for that time with my husband in the middle of the day!

On February 19, we found out--we're having another baby! Exciting? Of course! Terrifying? Most definitely! This brings me to what I've been thinking a lot about lately.

Motherhood.

Being a mom is hard. It's hard physically, it's hard emotionally, and it's hard intellectually. I haven't been a mom all that long, but the reality of motherhood hit before they even put my sweet baby James in my arms. As James was being born, he breathed in some fluid, and had to be tended to right away. They quickly snipped the cord and carried him away. I hadn't seen his face yet. As the moments passed, I began to be more and more aware that something wasn't right. The crying baby was supposed to be in MY arms, and I was supposed to be the one making everything all better.

I was scared, I was confused, and I couldn't do anything to fix it. The hustle and bustle of the delivery room clouded over, and I was left mostly alone to panic for a moment. Then they put him in my arms. The beautiful squidgy baby who was all mine.

The months that followed are mostly a blur-

colic.

reflux.

formula.

new formula.

new formula again.

growth spurts.

smiling.

rolling.

yelling.

And here we are today. James has forgotten how to sleep, and is begging his parents to forget right along with him. I put him down in his crib, and he yells at me for a while before he finally conks out. When I say "yells," I mean it. He's not crying, he's yelling at me.

And we're going to have another one. And I'm terrified.

Sometimes it's difficult when the thing you've wanted your whole life, the thing your whole being has yearned for turns out to be the most challenging thing you could ever do. All I ever wanted was to be a wife and a mother.

But I guess it's okay that sometimes now all I ever want is a long nap in a hotel room somewhere on the other side of the world, right?

Anyway--here's the video that helps me get through the hardest times.