In August, 2009, I asked a doctor what I needed to do to get my body ready to have children. Not because we planned on having a baby right away, but because I wanted to be prepared when we decided the time was right. Given my medical history and the medical conditions I had, she said two words that I feared would haunt me forever:
I was 22. I hadn't been married for a year yet. How could someone say those words to me? I cried. For days. I felt like a failure as a woman, I felt like my life had ended, and like there was no reason to get out of bed in the morning. So I chose the easiest path for me, and I ignored it. I pretended it wasn't happening. I decided to not make any appointments with a fertility specialist, because I wasn't ready to admit that I might need help.
Months went by.
Then in January, I watched this video:
"You might say, 'I am not the creative type,' if that is how you feel, think again, and remember that you are spirit daughters of the most creative being in the universe. Isn't it remarkable to think that your very spirits are fashioned by an endlessly creative and compassionate God?"
The day I saw that video, I decided it was time to call the specialist. Not because I was ready to have the baby that minute, but because I knew that there was hope. Even if I couldn't do it naturally or traditionally, I could create a family. I could be a mother.
I scheduled the appointment.
And 5 days before my scheduled appointment, I got this:
A surprise, absolutely. A wonderful, beautiful, remarkable surprise. A blessing. But this is what has stuck with me the most:
"The more you trust and rely upon the spirit, the greater your capacity to create."