Sunday, April 22, 2012


Hi. My name is Adrienne, and I'm bipolar.
This is the part where I'm supposed to make some joke about how I change my mind all the time, but the joke's not here.

Because I really am bipolar.

Before you get all google happy, I'm bipolar II. That matters. The diagnosis is new, only 3 weeks old. I've been frustrated lately because I don't feel like I'm getting any support for what I'm going through-then I realized the truth: nobody knows what I'm going through.

Bipolar II means I have all the lows of being bipolar without having the unbelievable highs. My lows are devastatingly low, and the highs (in my case) mean that I'm irritable and agitated. I spend most of my days walking around completely numb, not feeling anything for anyone or anything. When feelings do materialize, all that's left is excruciating emotional pain and crippling anxiety. They say the medicine is going to help. So far it doesn't. So far nothing really does.

So when I say I'm fine, it just means I don't currently want to curl up and die. When I say, "We're surviving," it means "at least we made it through the morning/night/afternoon."

My name is Adrienne. I'm bipolar. And I feel like my life is eating me alive.

And that's the truth. Finally.

Thursday, April 19, 2012

5 things I can't live without

I know, I know...the most important things in life aren't things. That said, there are some things in my world that I'm fairly certain I would die without.
Have you ever had a super-hard day? Duh. Of course you have. At the end of a hard day, who doesn't want to unwind with a special treat? Well here's mine. Izze Clementine soda. Yum. This stuff is like liquid sunshine. And hey-two servings of fruit. Can't beat that.
The Baby Jogger City Mini Double stroller. Not a jogging stroller, but pretty much the most incredible stroller in the universe. It folds almost completely flat, fits in the trunk of our civic, turns on a dime, and fits through every doorway I've ever tried to take it through. Have you ever had a crush on an object? If I did, it'd be my stroller.
These disposable/reusable sippy cups are a gift from heaven. Ok, maybe not that impressive, but I love knowing that I'm not going to feel like crap if I forget a sippy cup somewhere. And on top of it all, they dont have valves, so it's only two pieces in the dishwasher, and no weird places for things to get stuck. I love them.

I would take a picture of mine, but I'm feeling pretty lazy. This is the Erin Condren Life Planner. It sits open on my dining room table, and if something isn't written in it, it doesn't happen. It keeps all of my crazy appointments straight, and I even write down our shows so I don't forget. Ha! It has tabs for every month, a page with a full-month calendar, and each week is broken down into days, and the days are broken up in morning/day/nigh boxes. No lines, so I don't feel weird drawing pictures on the pages. There's also a handy pocket in the back for receipts and things, and a pouch that holds address labels and stamps (at least that's what's in mine). If you've been looking for a planner that keeps you organized and haven't been able to find the right one, this is your baby. Worth every penny.
Last but certainly not least, the Nikkor 50mm f/1.4 lens. Swoon. It gives almost perfect bokeh, and has taken all of my best photos. I even have a camera nicer than my Nikon, but I use the Nikon most often so that I can use this pretty little thing. Fast and sharp as a tack. If I could marry a camera lens, it'd be this one.

What items can't you live without?

Saturday, April 14, 2012

Happy Half-Birthday Little Sam!

My dear Samuel,

It seems like just yesterday they placed you in my arms for the first time. The time is flying, and it feels like I blinked and six months have passed. You should know that this moment-the moment I first met you was one of the most incredible moments of my life.

We learned very quickly that you were a little giant! When you were born, you just barely fit into the special outfit we brought to bring you home from the hospital in. It didn't matter though, because we were especially happy just to be taking you home. Our little family felt like it was missing something until you were born.

One day when you were about a month old, I was having a really hard day. Late that night you did something really special-you looked right into my eyes and gave me a great big smile. I felt like the luckiest mom in the whole wide world. You have a great smile.

When you were two months old, we celebrated your first Christmas. You got some new pajamas that matched everyone else in the family, and had your picture taken with Santa. We were very busy over Christmas, and you got to spend some special time getting to know all of your aunts, uncles, grandparents, and cousins.

On January 1, we celebrated our new year by going to Fairfield and having your baby blessing. It was a special day, a year after your big brother was blessed, and twenty-five years after I was blessed, all in the same building. Dad was baptized and confirmed there too.
When you were three months old, I discovered I could take some pretty awesome pictures on my bed! So I got out a special quilt Mamaw mailed to us and the wonderful duvet and pillow shams from GG, and we took a few pictures. Here's you wrapped up in wonderful soft things from two of your great-grandmas. They've been extra-special people to me, so I wanted to share that with you. They sure do love you!

In February, we started going to the zoo. You mostly like to look around at all the people, it's hard to see the animals that are so far away. You love to ride in the stroller, and you don't mind wearing hats.
As you continued to grow, we got to see more and more of your personality. You love to laugh, and you're always babbling away. It sounds like you have something pretty important to say, so we can't wait to hear what words you're saying. Your laugh always makes me laugh!
We celebrated your first Easter in the evening because we were so busy all day long! You got to play with Grandma and Grandpa Unklesbay, and they were so happy to spend some time with you! Your Easter basket had some new pacifiers, your swim trunks (I think they're going to be too small!) and the book "Green Eggs and Ham." I thought you'd like that when you get a little older, because a guy named Sam-I-Am tries to get a grumpy guy to eat green eggs and ham. Sometimes we even call you "Sam-I-Am."
Sweet Sam, we're so lucky to have you in our lives. Your big brother adores you, always wants to talk about the pictures on your clothes and point out your eyes and nose. When you get a little sad and I'm busy, he brings you a pacifier and tries to help you feel better. Your dad loves to make you laugh and watch you try to learn how to crawl. It makes him especially happy when you start to say, "Da da da." You did that for a little while, but then you stopped. We can't wait to hear it again!

And as for me, Sammy, I'm just happy you're here. I can't imagine my life without your special smiles. I always love hearing you giggle and talk. I can tell you were born to do something important. I can't wait to see who you're becoming.

I love you, little Sam-I-Am. Happy half-birthday!