Men

I heard this quote this morning, and couldn't not share. Have you ever met my husband? He's the most incredible man in the universe. He's tall, dark, and handsome. He's smart, he's creative, he's strong, compassionate, and loving. He's gentle and kind and understanding. He brings out the very best in me, and sticks with me through my worst times. He's seen me fail, and he's seen me succeed, and he still stands by me. He teaches me patience and strength, and he always puts his family first.

He's all I ever wanted, and more than I deserve.

There are really not enough words to express how lucky I am to have this man in my life. As I prepare to give birth to our second son, all I can think is that I would be so proud of my two little guys if they turn out just like their dad. James already has his smile, his eyes, and his strength. I can't wait to watch both boys follow the incredible example set by their dad.

So to you, Christopher, thank you. Thank you for being the best husband and father I've ever seen. Thank you for working so hard to provide for our family. Thank you for encouraging me and helping me succeed. Thank you for making each day better than the one before. Thank you for believing in me when I don't believe in myself.

Thank you for teaching me that I'm worth it.

On having babies close together...

Someone told my husband today that they felt sorry for our kids because they're going to be so close together. I try to be careful to not rant about the comments we've been getting since announcing this pregnancy, because it doesn't do anyone any good, but maybe it's time for me to say something.

Shortly after we were married, I was told that we would need a fertility specialist in order to get pregnant at all. Ever. I have a medical condition that is the number one cause of infertility in women. It's also known to cause secondary infertility.

Our children are a blessing.

We want them.

We care for them.

We love them.

So please, don't feel sorry for them and don't feel sorry for us. Sometimes the most challenging things in our lives are the biggest blessings.

Becoming a Mother

I always thought that the day I found out I was pregnant, I became a mother.

Then I got pregnant.

When I was pregnant, I was positive that the first time I saw my baby moving on the ultrasound monitor, I would become a mother.

Then I saw the ultrasound.

When I was pregnant, watching those wonderful ultrasounds, I knew that I'd have to experience something different to become a mother. I couldn't be more certain that the moment I saw my first child for the first time, I would become a mother.

Then I saw him. There wasn't any magical moment. I didn't cry because I was so happy. I was terrified, I was tired, and I didn't FEEL anything. I definitely didn't feel like I'd become a mother.

In the months that followed, I didn't feel like much had changed about me except for the fact that I slept less, I complained more, and I was generally not very pleasant to be around. I was unsteady and unsure of myself, and I felt very lonely in the world. Not like a mother at all.

Today, as I watch my little boy cruise around the furniture, turn the pages in his books, hug and kiss his teddy bears, drive his cars, and touch things while saying, "This! This!" I feel love. I feel peace. I feel gratitude. And most of all, I feel like a mother.

So all that is to say, becoming a mother isn't an event. It's not like getting baptized and becoming a member of a church. It's not turning thirteen and becoming a teenager. It's a process, or at least for me it has been. I never once felt the switch flip and knew for sure that in one moment I became a mother, but I do know that over the last year I have.

For that, I'm eternally grateful. For the opportunity to be a mom. For the wonderful blessing of staying home with my little guy. For the knowledge that the Lord won't ask us to do anything without preparing a way for us to accomplish it. Including...becoming a mother.